I was watching Oprah today. It was on spirituality 101. The whole program completely intrigued me. I am not exactly sure at this point how i can become spiritual, but i feel that if i found something inside myself that could balance my life out i'm all for it. I've started reading a new book. It is called Awakening to you life's purpose by Eckhart Tolle. Here are a few words from the book that really opened my eyes. Wanting is structural, so no amount of content can provide lasting fulfillment as long as the mental structure remains in place. Intense wanting that has no specific object can often be found in the still developing brain, some of whom are in a permanent state of negativity and dissatisfaction.
Most egos have conflicting wants. They want different things at different times or may not even know what they want except that they don't want what is: the present moment.
I thought that i had already realized that the reason i was constently dreaming of my future was because of the unhappiness i had in the moment. I hadn't taken into account that my excessive wants tied into this too. The way i thought of it was i was wanting to constently change my "look". In reality, the reason i am always wanting new clothes and wanting to change my hair color is because i am not happy with myself. I am never satisfied with myself. It has nothing to do with what i look like. It is what is inside. There is something in me that i am not happy with. I need to discover what that is. At this moment, i can not. I am not fulfilling all that i can be, and i realize that now. So, i am going to keep on reading this book, it makes me think and i like that. I've never realized i like to think in an abnormal way, but i quite enjoy it.
Here's to reading, and finding a new spirituality.. i guess.